It all comes down to social skills, the skills that we use to communicate and interact with each other, both verbally and non-verbally, through gestures, body language and our personal appearance.

While it is true that most humans are social beings, not everybody has social skills. They must be learned and often take a lot of practice to master. Believe me, I myself have been jumping directly into some major pitfalls along the road and still do from time to time.

More than once, I have gotten way too drunk and said inappropriate things to people that I have been regretting greatly afterwards. Once I was so provocative to my best friend, that he got so furious that he was inches from punching me in the face, and if my wife would not have been around to calm the situation down, more than our friendship would have been damaged that night.

However, after a brief survey in my kinky network about others experience of what they thought to be creepy or just inappropriate at kinky events, I made a brief checklist of Do’s and Don’ts:

Avoid Being Creepy at a Fetish Party:

• Don’t stare – Hanging around in someones periphery, staring, never ever looking away, is super creepy and seriously ruins your chances to approach the person.
• Don’t linger – Be careful not to linger around for too long, it really stands out, makes you creepy and ruins your chances of making a good impression.
• Don’t touch – Touching people without permission is creepy and will eventually get you kicked out and even banned from the party in the future. Always make sure that you have the persons consent before you touch! Not sure how consent works? Then read this post.
• Don’t disturb – Take great care not to disturb people who are playing. Unless you are invited to participate, give players their space and show some common courtesy by not interrupting them during a scene. If you see something that interests you, wait until they are leaving the play area before asking questions.
• Don’t take photos – Get permission from the party staff and the persons you want to photograph before taking any photos. If someone else is taking photos, it’s still not alright for you to take photos. People have lives outside the party scene that they want to protect, please respect that.
• Don’t get drunk – Alcohol can make some individuals careless and rude, so moderate the amount of alcohol you consume.

When Approaching People, Please Mind:

• Approach angle – Avoid sneaking up on people, approach the person from a min 45 degree angle and remember to smile.
• Intentions – Try not to presume anything about someone that you just met. You can’t tell what a person is into by the way they dress, their gender presentation or anything else.
• Eye contact – Not enough eye contact and you seem shy, too much you will be too intense. What ever you do – don’t stare
• Personal space – Try to keep a minimum of half a meter (eighteen inches) distance from the person you are having a conversation with, get any closer and you are intruding their intimate space.
• To walk away – Don’t keep hanging around if the conversation is about to run dry. If the conversation is not flowing, leave after 2 min, you can always come back later.

People are Not Interested if Yhey:

• Don’t look at you – If a person looks down or away when you’re talking, they are probably not interested.
• Never ask questions – If a person never asks you anything in return in a conversation or does not show initiative to keep the conversation going, they just might be not interested.
• Have closed body language – If a person crosses their arms or legs when you are talking, they are most likely not interested.
• Never seek you out – If a person doesn’t start a conversation with you when you are in a group, they are simply not interested in you.

If someone is not interested, leave them alone.

I hope that you found this guide helpful and that you are going to have a great time at your next fetish party. If you wish to improve your social skills further there are many ways to do so, you can read books, watch videos and even get a social coach.

Please feel free to leave a comment if you know of other great ways to avoid being creepy.

1 Comment

  • dana says:

    Very well done! I would add for everyone on the other side of this that they make their lack of interest as declarative as possible as QUICKLY as possible. Don’t give mixed signals. Be honest and declarative. Don’t give your contact info and then just ignore them, it incites stalking/reprisal and/or makes you look like the dick in the situation in their eyes, which further escalates the drive for reprisal. If you’re not interested, say “I’m not interested” or “FUCK OFF” if they’re some “pick-up artist” type who thinks you just need to be “escalated” into admitting that you are really interested and won’t leave you be. If someone won’t let you be, find a bouncer, or the host or a cop. Don’t be afraid of coming off as rude, it can save your life.

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