People often don’t know how to write a fetLife profile or any other fetish community, as a result the visitors who come to your profile, don’t get interested enough to push the contact button and make that important first contact. Writing a good profile is actually not that hard, the hard part is finding the right words to describe you as a kinky person.

Let me show you how to find the right words for your profile. It does not matter if you are seeking a kinky partner or looking for like-minded friends, this method works for everyone.

First, you want to print out this profile sheet or just make a rough copy of the design on a piece of paper.

Who Are You?
Start by writing down a list of your personal kinks. These are the things that you are into and what turns you on! Latex fetish, BDSM, leather, stockings, high heels, domination, long hair, biting, scratching – are all kinks, you can also check this list. When the list is complete, prioritize it and note down the top five kinks on your profile sheet.

Next, write down a list of all your personal qualities. Open-minded, respectful, kind, generous, funny, smart, educated – are all personal qualities. When completed, prioritize the list and note down the top five personal qualities on your profile sheet.

Next make a list of role models, people that you admire and look up to, and who inspire you. In and outside the kink community. Write down their name and a short three keywords list with the reasons that you look up to them. Select up to four role models from your list that don’t have matching qualities and put them and their personal qualities on your profile sheet, circle the top five qualities that stand out to you.

Use your top kinks, qualities, and role models to describe what you are into, who you are and what you would like to become.

What are You Seeking?
What type of relationship do you dream of – friendship, partnership or something else? Make a list of what your ideal relationship should contain. Partnerships might include specific activities and friendships others. When the list is complete, prioritize it and note it down on your profile sheet.

Use the words from the top of the list in your profile text to make it clear what you are seeking and what you are expecting from a relationship. Focus less of the “nice to have” things in the lower part of your list.

What’s Your Type?
Make a list of four profiles that you would see as an ideal match preferably from the site that you are writing this profile for. If you are looking for a partner, list the names of your dream partners, if you are looking for a friend or a mentor, list the names of the most ideal matches. Make a short keyword list for each profile, listing their unique traits and what makes them desirable. Note that some traits might be shared and others unique, circle the top five traits that stand out to you.

Use the top five traits in your profile text to describe the kind of person you are looking for. People might share all of the top traits, but can still be interesting if they share traits with multiple people on your list.

Enjoy Your New Profile
I hope that you enjoyed this article. Please leave a comment if you found the techniques I shared here interesting, insightful, or helpful in any way!


  • DDomLeo says:

    I enjoyed the read very interesting with some useful information. I hope you don’t mind me asking do you know how to change the font size and colour on FetLife when editing your profile and do you know if you can add line spaces above one. Thank you :)

  • 3xL says:

    Thanks DDomLeo! Check out FetLife Formatting Guidelines regarding size and color. Line breaks are made using the ENTER key, but you can not have more than one blank line between two paragraphs.

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